Recently I have been reading a book called “Serious Joy” where the author takes the 70 resolutions of Jonathan Edwards and expands on them. He adds context to what Jonathan meant when he wrote these resolutions as well as adds a devotional element to them.
As I have been reading the resolutions though I have had this profound moment of reflection consistently as I am reminded of my youth, my zeal, my heart not only for Christ but for His church.
One of my struggles that I have continually came across in the 10+ years of me following Jesus has been my constant ability to find criticism for the church.
When I became a Christian, Jesus saved me at a time in my life where I was noticing a lot of the hypocrisy and hateful behavior involved in the church. I had grown up in a family whose highest priority was investing in the local church no matter how much it cost.
I got the best and worst view of the community of God. I seen what everyone else seen on Sunday mornings but also what only a few got to see throughout the week. This view gave me a lot of ammo to aim at the church.
But then Jesus came into my life by way of a youth pastor who broke the mold of what I had grew up seeing. And ever since then I have always vowed to not be like the Christians I grew up around.
I did not want to compartmentalize my faith, I wanted my faith to cost me my life. I did not want to have my faith be an add on, I wanted my faith to be the reason I lived. My faith was all or nothing.
Over the years though as my involvement with the local church grew and I became more of a leader, I have found this common struggle, this thread that has never seemed to go away.
That thread being my criticism against the church.
As I have been reading ‘Serious Joy’ I have been challenged by Jonathan Edwards in two specific ways that relate to this:
1.) Edwards had a humility about himself, an awareness that he had to be worked on. He was not so arrogant to believe he himself had no issues to fight against.
2.) Because of Edward’s acknowledgement that he was a broken man, he sought to do whatever necessary to wage war against his flesh.
I love that mindset. One of humility and awareness of our broken nature, but also an action oriented heart that does not just let us wallow in despair but instead pushes us toward a ruthless submission to Jesus in every aspect of our lives no matter the cost.
For me where this I believe applies is in my criticism against the church, I have found an arrogance.
Now I noticed this years ago and have had to correct my attitude towards my criticisms in the sense of not allowing myself to demonize valid concerns I have for the health of the local church.
Criticism is not an inherently negative thing. Criticism is necessary for growth. The church is not perfect and I am not wrong for noticing that. No one is.
Now with the rise of podcast series and documentaries detailing the various abuses the church has accumulated over the years, I will not be the one to say those forms of media should not exist. When issues arise, we need people to hold us accountable. If you are in sin, there is nothing wrong with someone who approaches you and says “you are in sin.”
Where my personal struggle has come though is where I have found that I often love my criticsm of the church more than I love the actual church.
What I mean by saying this is that I, in searching my own heart have found a few things:
- I love my Criticsm more than I love the church
- I love being right.
- I love being the one with the solution to problems.
- I love examining the problem and the solution.
- I love talking over people.
- I love the praise that comes with being the one who notices things that others do not.
- I need to repent and turn to Jesus.
What I noticed is best represented in a picture I drew in my journal.
If my love for the church is depicted as a circle, then my Criticism against the church should be so encapsulated by my love for the church that my Criticism is but a speck in the midst of the circle of love I have for the church.
My love for the church should come before, after, and during my takes against it.
This is an ongoing battle for me that I believe I will always need prayer for.
I love the church. Most of my criticism against the church comes from that love. I want to see the local church healthy, striving after Jesus, and truly growing in the Spirit and I am often concerned that we will follow the cycle of history rather than learn from it.
But as I have come to realize, that take I just shared with you is true of me too.
I fall into the same traps over and over again. I fail to truly turn completely away from my vices and instead have to make the long journey back home over again and again.
Thankfully, Jesus not only died for the broken church but for me. A member of this body of believers who just can not seem to get it together. Of whom I am the foremost.
Pray for me, as I pray for you.
Leave a comment