My first Sunday back at the Bridge in 3 years was a moment. A pivotal moment in my life where God taught me one of the most valuable lessons I had to learn.
For three years I had been at another church in another town in a completely different county than the Bridge. But as I was growing and feeling drawn back to The Bridge I would have never expected the turn that was about to be made in my life.
Growing up I was an introvert. I was shy. It was not really that I was scared to talk to people, though my nerves played a part. My struggle with talking to others was more of a challenge in what to say.
How do you make friends? How do you start a conversation with someone that you know absolutely nothing about?
Why I Became Good with People?
As a Jesus follower I do not believe any of us who follow Jesus have a good reason to opt out of becoming a people person.
We may be cynical, sarcastic, contrainan by nature. I feel that. But as someone who wants to become more like Jesus we have to surrender those parts of us that simply do not line up with the person of Jesus.
It does not matter how many times we have been burned in the past or how many times we came across people who had a personality that we did not jive with. As a Jesus follower, we are called to two things.
1.) Humility. The cross puts on display the truth that not even we have it all together. You may think others are difficult to deal with, but have you truly met yourself? Put yourself in the shoes of Jesus as he had to deal with your constant need to go back to the very things that hurt you. You were stubborn and a pain in the butt yet Jesus pushed in. Jesus did not give up on winning your heart. So as Christian’s we must remember that when dealing with difficult people. We must remember we too are difficult.
2.) Love Others as Christ has Loved You. Jesus loved you as difficult as you are. Can you imagine what would happened if Jesus did not love you? You would be hopeless. You would be alone living life without the purpose that you champion so hard today. Others need a love like that in their lives. As the old adage goes: “you may be the only Jesus people ever meet.” Meaning, you may be the only person of unconditional love that people will ever meet. Why take that opportunity to feel known and loved away from others, when that is exactly what was given to you?
How Do You Welcome People at Your Church
That first Sunday back at the Bridge was rough, I brought a friend of mine who used to attend with me back in my highschool days. We came in like ghosts. No one seen us, they looked straight through us. Not one person said “hi.” We got there early enough for people to come over and greet us, yet no one did. When we left, again no one told us to have a good day. The only encounter we had with people was the encounter of watching all the people who ignored us walk up on that stage and say “we are glad you can join us.” Empty words to us.
What is the Key Princicples to Making Somone Feel Welcome at Your Church?
1.) Know their name. I am not the best with names. But names are important. Names are our identity as people. Names differentiate us from others. Names are what people call us to get our attention.
Dale Carnegie in his famous book: “How to Win Friends and Influence People” says: “A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important in any language.” When we recognize people by their names we are recognizing who they are. We are acknowledging them as human beings worth noticing.
We all know this is true. Take notice in your day, when 9 out of 10 people call you “dude” or just say “whats up.” There is nothing personal about those conversation starters. But when someone goes out of their way to say “hey, Ryan!” it means the world because it signifies that this person is focused on you. We live in a culture where good manners have been tossed out of the window and ran over. We live in a culture where people have forgotten the basic skill of how to talk to others. One of the most important tools in talking to others is using their name.
I struggled to remember people’s name at The Bridge that first year back, so I had in my notes app on my phone a list of names and beside them a description of that person to help me remember which name went with who. Everybody is bad with names, but if you really care about making people feel known and welcome in your church, do the work. We build huge stages with the fanciest lights and most complicated set ups, what does it say to the outside world when we can spend all of our time, money and resources on cosmetics for our churches but we cannot figure out a way to remember people’s names?
2.) Smile. It is not a new thought to say that our culture prizes itself on victim mentality. Making everyone feel beaten and downtrodden. With a 24 hour news cycle it can be hard to find a reason to smile but imagine what one smile can do. Dale Carngeie in his book describes a waiting room where all of these people are gathered just waiting to be invited in. As the time goes on and on, people begin to become frustrated like we all naturally would do. But then a lady comes in with her little baby in her arms. And as she sits down next to a man who was arguably the most frustrated, the baby simply looks over at this angry, agitated man and smiles. The man could not help but to smile back. This caused the man to enjoy waiting in that room. He then started talking to the mother of the child and soon everyone in the room joined the conversation, all because of a baby’s smile.
When is the last time you have been smiled at? If people wanted to be frowned at, they can attend anywhere else to be made feel like a burden. Yet when as the church we greet people with a smile on our faces we are communicating to our visitors, “we are glad you are here” and this is not just words.
3.) Follow Up. One of the more dangerous aspects of building a community of believers is the community being closed off to the outside world. Jesus by nature moved around. He did not just stay inside the temple walls but rather went to people’s actual dinner table. As Jesus followers it is our repsoinibility to follow up with our guests by going outside of the church walls and building relationships with them.
It is easy to build a congregation that cares more about the Sunday morning gathering where our fellowship is more of a show than actual iron sharpening iron. As Christians we must do our due diligence during the week of following up with our guests. This requires us to get a way of contact from them when they attend our church on Sunday. This may be by simply asking for their phone number or finding them on social media. The point is, we do not want to communicate to our guests that we only care about them when they come into our space. Rather we want to communicate to them that we are real human beings with lives outside of Sunday morning worship and we want to spend that time building a relationship with you.
Find a way to connect with them. This may be by inviting them to your house for dinner ands a game night, or asking to grab a coffee with them. Maybe you build a relationship with the entire family of the guest and you take interest in coming to one of their kids sporting events. Simply put, show that you care about them outside of the four walls of your church. Make it personal!
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