Deconstruction

Now when John heard in prison about the deeds of the Christ, he sent word by his disciples ³ and said to him, “Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?” (Matthew 11:2-3 ESV)

Growing up I had this core memory that I have never been able to shake of a moment in the movie Peter Pan(live action) where Tinker Bell has died and her light has gone out. Peter is sobbing as he comes to terms with the fact that he is a rather selfish little brat who was followed around by this devoted little fairy who adored him even when it cost her.

Ultimately the thing that brings little Tinker Bell back to life is a series of scenes showing kids confessing with their mouths “I do believe in fairies”. The more kids believed, the more Tinker Bell regained her strength which in turn fueled Peter to keep fighting and fight harder.

I think for many of us who have spent some fair amount of time in the church and have struggled at one point or another with our beliefs has struggled because at some point we were told to just “believe”. And almost in an effort to fuel whatever it is we are putting our belief in.

But what happens is that eventually our mere belief comes crashing down.

There are a few reasons this may happen for someone.

• Life circumstances- Even if you came to faith in an environment where you were told life was not necessarily going to get easier, there may still be an underlying belief that life with God has got in general to be a better experience than life without God(which I would agree). But many times the way we believe life will be better will be displayed through external or material circumstances and so when reality hits, and the pain in life does not seem to care about whether you have Jesus or not; it can quickly rattle the faith you do have making you question: is Jesus really worth this?
• Sin- Humanity is flawed, and often more flawed than we realize. And even in the christian world, with so much talk about sin and hell; where the church in the general west is weak in is in having a philosophy on how to actually fight the disease of sin that we are all plagued with. For many of us we got saved, and heard stories from others about how the moment Jesus comes into your life you do a 180 degree turn around and are set free from the sin that so easily besets us. But for many of us, that is not our story. Yet those stories are the ones that get shared from the pulpit it seems the most. And so as life goes on, in our effort to follow Jesus we try to kill our flesh. But we do not know how. We have no concept of how to rewire our brain. We do not know who the enemy actually is because we have vague ideas about the devil and the powers and principalities. We do not even understand how it is that living in this world affects our habits and customs and how deeply we are to search ourselves in order to snuff out the flesh. So after following Jesus for quite some time, and getting worn out from reciting the same repentant prayers on our knees we begin to ask the question: Did Jesus really change my life, because it feels like I’m always gonna have this same struggle?
• Reasoning- Sin and life circumstances are ones you will hear from almost every Christian influencer addressing this topic. But good reasoning is one that is often left out. I believe the reason why is because for many in the church we have narrow minds that cannot fathom someone coming up with a good argument not built on emotion, to leave the faith. I appreciate the work Rhett McLaughlin has done over the years in explaining his own deconstruction. Rhett did not have bad experiences or life circumstances that pulled him away. Rhett did not have undealt with sin that finally got the best of him. Rhett walked away because the arguments for Christianity were not as good as the arguments against it. I believe this is an underrated reason for walking away that many Christian leaders refuse to give much time too, but they should. We are not always the smartest in the room and I think this reason is one that puts the spotlight on us as a church body and highlights our failure to really wrestle with tough questions that do not always have nice and neat answers attached to them. Regardless of denomination or theological background, many Christians have walked away because the system of theology they received or grabbed ahold of at some point started to unravel. (For me, it was with Reformed theology) And when our faith starts to unravel, that one piece of yarn in our sweater starts be pulled on, suddenly it feels like the sweater is slowly coming apart at the seams. Leaving us with this question: if this piece of my theology is not true, then does that mean Jesus is not true?

Each of these are valid reasons why people leave the faith, and hopefully in my explanations of each of these you got a sense of sympathy for where you may possibly be at in your own walk with Christ.

It can feel like often in the church when the topic of deconstruction comes up there is an immediate pushback. Deconstruction is popular in the sense that there is a trend for it. It is unpopular in that there are some strong critics of this movement and philosophy.

The reason I believe many who are so critical of deconstruction get so amped up about it is because they themselves may find themselves in one of two camps(maybe even both).

• Fear- The thought of picking your faith apart and walking away with no faith at all is a scary thought. If you are a person of faith then likely your faith is a huge factor in who are as a person. Your identity is attached to it. Which means that a lot is on the line. And from the people in my life who are critics of this movement the common theme that keeps popping up is a fear that anyone who deconstructs just a little bit will end up like a snowball rolling down hill, gaining more traction and speed the further they go. Eventually to hit a tree with powder going everywhere. When your only exposure to deconstruction is to those who have not reconstructed, then deconstruction is a dead end. It is a driving off the cliff. But what I believe this underlying fear really speaks to is an underlying belief that what you believe to be true, when carefully dissected may not actually be true. Granted the way to work your mind around this is to convince yourself that anyone who deconstructs is someone who has bad motives and has a flawed system of searching for the truth unlike you, of course. In this, there ends up being a little bit of a messiah complex within us. If we can guard our friends or family from even tasting a little bit of deconstruction then can we save them. The question we really need to ask if we find ourselves struggling with this fear or messiah complex towards those who deconstruct is this: Do you actually believe Jesus is the Truth? And do you believe Jesus is a better savior than you? If your answer to both of those is yes; then pump the breaks. Do not freak out. Rather rest in the sovereignty of God that he actually cares for His sheep and has the heart to go after the 1 who left the 99.
• Background- We all start our faith journeys in different places. Our backgrounds, where we come from, who we are all play massive roles in our journey with Jesus. When talking with a friend who did not see a good reason to deconstruct, we came to the conclusion that he simply had mostly good experiences in the church and his walk with Jesus. Comparing his rather positive story of faith with someone who has been through the painful church experiences or very low moments with God; you can see why it could be hard for some people to understand just why a person would want to deconstruct. If you are someone who has a largely positive experience with your faith the question you need to ask is: How would Jesus respond to someone with a different story than mine? The reality is, Jesus would be very gracious towards a person whose life circumstances have led them to deconstruct. Outcasts of the Kingdom were Jesus’ favorite people(if he even had favorites). Jesus was a rather curious, humble, quick to listen type of guy. Which means we need to embody his character when a friend of ours is deconstructing based on bad experiences. Our experiences shape who we are. That goes for all people. If you only see Jesus loving, family oriented, humble, hospitable Christians, and that’s part of your story for why you were attracted to the faith, then that means you like someone who had the opposite experience are letting your experiences speak into the chooses you make. And it’s important we all recognize how we do this, good or bad; in an effort to step into rather painful circumstances and speak life into them not condemnation.

Now the big question that I feel we must come to now is: What do we do with those who are deconstructing in the church?

This is where it is vitally important to notice the small moments in your Bible.

Often when God speaks to us we look for big miraculous spectacles that draw everyone’s attention. God often though speaks in humble ways that require a level of effort(you to pay attention) on your part.

Let’s take note of truths in Matthew 28:16-20 which is popularly known as the ‘Great Commission’.

Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. ¹⁷ And when they saw him they worshiped him, but some doubted. ¹⁸ And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹ Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (ESV)

I love how in this passage where Jesus is giving his final commands before he ascends to the right side of the Father he is speaking to two types of people.

Those two types of people are:

1.) People who worshipped him- These people knew who Jesus was. They had no doubts. They were looking forward to this day. They have seen the resurrection of Jesus, they have been part of the greatest miracle to have ever been recorded; and they are ready to give all praise in both word and deed to the Christ. These people are locked in.

2.) People who doubted-These people may have seen Jesus die and resurrect but there’s a level of confusion in their midst. They have a level of uncertainty that they cannot fully shake. They are people with questions. They are people with caution.

What I love about both groups of people is that they are both where Jesus told them to be which means there is a level of obedience on those who worship him and a level of taking a risk from those who doubt him. They both showed up where Jesus told them to be.

This means both groups are open to the future Jesus is ushering in.

What I also love about these two groups is that they are given the same commands. Jesus tells both groups to make disciples.

For those who worship Jesus, it only makes logical sense for them to share this good news about who Jesus is to the world. If you believe it, stand on it. Let it dictate the over arching course of your life.

For those who doubted Jesus, their opportunity to share about Jesus with others is not only them taking a risk to build their life’s purpose on something that they believe might not even be true. But it is an arm around the shoulder from Jesus saying “you don’t have to have all the answers to be apart of the Kingdom I am building.”

What this shows us is that Jesus is not afraid of our doubts or our deconstruction. He calls the doubters to be apart of what he is doing even in the midst of their doubt.

Jesus answered them, “Go and tell John what you hear and see: ⁵ the blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have good news preached to them.(Matthew 11:4-5 ESV)

When John the Baptist has a moment of doubt, the man literally responsible for paving the path for Jesus to come and do his thing, Jesus does not condemn. He does not say “John, you need to stop listening to all of this liberal hogwash.” No, instead Jesus just reminds John of what he already knows to be true. He offers comforting words that does not directly answer John’s question but forces John to use his great mind to connect the dots.

Lastly, there is moment after John’s disciples leave Jesus to go and remind John about the truths he already knows where Jesus then turns to the crowd around him who just witnessed the reports about John’s doubts and Jesus responds by saying this about John.

“What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed shaken by the wind? ⁸ What then did you go out to see? A man dressed in soft clothing? Behold, those who wear soft clothing are in kings’ houses. ⁹ What then did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet. ¹⁰ This is he of whom it is written,

“‘Behold, I send my messenger before your face,
    who will prepare your way before you.’

¹¹ Truly, I say to you, among those born of women there has arisen no one greater than John the Baptist. Yet the one who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he. ¹² From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven has suffered violence, and the violent take it by force.¹³ For all the Prophets and the Law prophesied until John, ¹⁴ and if you are willing to accept it, he is Elijah who is to come. ¹⁵ He who has ears to hear, let him hear. (Matthew 11:7-15 ESV)

Jesus gives some strong words in describing who John is. He not only calls him the greatest born of women but he also acknowledges God’s divine use of John as a prophet preparing the way for the Messiah.

Jesus uplifts John at what seems to be his weakest moment. John is in prison, doubting who Jesus is. Likely because like for many of us, when we are at our lowest that is when it can be harder to hold on to the promises of who God is and what He is actually doing.

I’m sure John, like all of us would, was sitting in prison wondering why this so called Messiah had not set him free yet; John’s life is on the line and shortly after this moment John will be beheaded for entertainment purposes. Moments like these will make you question God’s goodness. And in another sense it will make you question the Kingdom Jesus is trying to build.

What kind of Kingdom are you apart of when the so called greatest is brutally murdered?

It sounds like a rather weak Kingdom that needs a better game plan.

¹² From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven has suffered violence, and the violent take it by force.¹³ For all the Prophets and the Law prophesied until John, ¹⁴ and if you are willing to accept it, he is Elijah who is to come. ¹⁵ He who has ears to hear, let him hear. (Matthew 11:12-15 ESV)

Jesus is not shocked by the persecution that comes against the church, and neither should you be. But you also should not be shocked, or scared, or horrified when people in the church wrestle with doubt, questions or full on deconstruct.

If you are gonna be apart of Jesus’ Kingdom it is good for you know why you believe what you believe. It is good for you regularly deconstruct in order to clear out any idols that weave their in(because they will). We are flawed creatures. No one is immune from letting some idols creep into the temple.

This is why John Calvin famously said the heart is an idol factory. We must be ruthless in our examinations of our commitment to Jesus’ Kingdom. We must regularly count the cost. And we must be gracious to those going through this process as well.

Fear does not keep people in. Love does that.

Final Thoughts

The reasons I gave for why someone may deconstruct are general reasons. These reasons could each branch out a create a whole tree. And we could likewise go through each branch of that tree and discuss which issues are valid or not.

Regardless, I believe it is vitally important for people who question, or doubt, or who full on deconstruct to be able to have the freedom to do so. Tyler Staton in his book ‘Searching For Enough’ says: “Spiritual breakthrough often starts with saying what you think and feel but are convinced you aren’t “allowed” to say.”

The last thing someone who is deconstructing needs is to feel isolated. To feel like their brains have ran off course and they should have corrected course before the train went off the tracks.

I believe as followers of Jesus we have to be people who know how to see the beauty in the ashes.

The Hip-Hop Artist/Poet known as Propaganda said this in his book ‘Terraform’: “I am saying that the beauty of a good story is that it draws out the beauty in us. Our focus is how the stories we tell make us who we are. So let’s take a look at the stories we are telling.”

No one says John story is a tragedy because when he was in prison he questioned who Jesus was. No, we even Jesus, look at John as one of the greats.

What if our bad responses to people who find themselves questioning who Jesus is has been keeping out prophets like John? What if we have allowed our system of Christianity to be so built on fear mongering that we are kicking more people out than who want to be out?

For me, when I deconstructed, it was the people specifically in my life who let me voice my questions, my concerns, my frustrations that created room for me to continue growing in my faith while having tension with my faith.

There is a common belief that many of us buy into without ever realizing it. The belief is that our lives will be charted upward and to the right. It is this idea that our lives will progressively get better and more prosperous overtime.

I’m not here whether to say that’s true or false. But I do know it’s not necessarily biblical. The stories we read in our Bibles are stories of people who started in a mess, they met Yahweh, and then lost faith in Yahweh. And then they reconnect with Yahweh only to fall back into old patterns of sin. And ideally by the end of their story they are on better terms with God but who knows.

Abraham’s life, the father of our faith, had many dips. There would be moments you think he was on the right track and then suddenly he lies again about his wife being his sister. Or it seems like he will finally learn to trust Yahweh at His word but then takes the opportunity to impregnate his slave girl because of a lack of faith.

The point is we will not always have the right answers or always feel like we do. Our lives will have moments of deep faith and moments of overwhelming doubt. That is okay.