We are in a masculinity crisis. At least that’s what we are being told by various commentators and experts. In recent years there has been a rise in content surrounding this area of masculinity whether it’s from the online ‘Man-o-Sphere’ community with figures like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson, to the podcast bro’s like Dax Shepherd and Chris Williamson, to authors like Nancy Pearcey tackling the subject with her book ‘The Toxic War on Masculinity’, to Ezra Klein from the New York Times examining this conversation in a recent episode of his podcast from the New York Times.
The conversation centers around this question of who is defining what manhood is and isn’t.
And within these various actors seeking to step into the conversation and play the part of a man worthy to be followed we get various illustrations of what a man could be.
For some manhood is characterized by physical fitness and a rabid curiosity about the world that makes people uncomfortable. For others manhood is the ability to take care of oneself and be a protector who offers comfort and safety to those he is protecting. For many manhood is the worst version of humanity as it is characterized by high testorone fueled men who only seek to ‘kill, steal, and destroy’ everything in their path. For other’s manhood is the pillar of society and without strong capable men in the home society as we know it will fall.
What has been interesting to me is in the recent conversation New York Times columnist Ezra Klein had with Helen Lewis1 they specifically highlight three examples of men on the right that conservative leaning people have standing in front of them. And what I found interesting about these examples is not only their prominence in how popular and radical they are to their audience. These three men capture people’s attention in a way that propels people to action but they each are standing in different spheres of society as examples of what a real man is.
I am specifcally focused on the manhood conservatives are offering for two reasons.
1.) Conservatives have traditionally offered a better vision of manhood. They understand the need to have this conversation and therefore have not been late to the party. There are arguably more men on the right they can pull from than I believe the left has because the left at least in recent memory for folks has distanced itself from anything in the male realm.
2.) With saying that, because the left has distanced itself from the manhood conversation, they have offered no real solutions to examine. In fact, they have no real definition of biologically what makes a man a man. This has caused gender confusion to the highest degree and contributes to the problem which explains why they have failed to even really step foot into the conversation to offer a better way forward. They as the saying goes: “shot themselves in the foot” in this department.
Who are Our Three Examples?
I am pulling our three examples from that conservation Ezra Klein had with Helen Lewis because of how important these figures have become in rallying the right.
These three examples are Donald Trump, Nick Fuentes, and Douglas Wilson. The reason these three stand out is because of how prominent their names have become and their influence in their respected domains.
Donald Trump has came into the political world by storm. He was never a man of peace but always a man who knew exactly what he wanted to do. He wanted to stir things up which gave him a leg up when it came to entering the world of politics where many of us felt like the room was filled with politicians who were playing a mere game. Trump disrupted the game.
Likewise, Nick Fuentes came into the media sphere ready for battle. Fuentes made his name known by saying exactly how he felt regardless of the consequences, even causing a bit of disruption with people who were already in the field of disrupting. Fuentes’ fallout with ‘The Daily Wire’ showed that like Trump, he was willing to divide with even people who were supposedly on his side. His storm came in the wave of being banned from multiple sites making his opinions even more radical than they may actually be at times.
And then lastly, is my favorite and the one I have the most connection to which is Douglas Wilson. Douglas Wilson has been around for quite some time showing up in the earlier years of the Gospel Coalition, but was quietly dismissed as books like ‘Black and Tan’ came out. A book detailing an alternative view of the history of race relations and slavery in the US. Wilson worked “quietly” behind the scenes for years as a Pastor and spiritual leader for his community in Moscow, Idaho where through his leadership and postmillennial vision casting, Wilson rallied not just people but a cultural movement that has spread over the years through homeschool curriculum, to books and movies, to now his most prominent role as a man to look up and submit to from the Secretary of War Pete Hesgeth.
Donald came into politics, Nick came into the media, and Wilson came into our churches all as men offering us something seemingly refreshing. They each talked about regaining a model of society from the glory days of our American world. With Donald and Fuentes looking to “make America great again” and putting “America first” and Wilson romanticizing the ways of the Puritans from early America.
I want to be fair to each of these men because I do not think they are as dangerous as some people believe. When we label others as dangerous for simply having a problematic worldview what we unintentionally do is add neon green to a toxin and act like people will not be drawn to the bright shiny colorfully thing. I don’t believe they have the best vision for the world or manhood. I actually believe their vision has to do with fear more than courage even though the opposite is what they claim to promote. But because of how the left labels people, it makes them radioactive but in a productive way. What I mean by “productive” is that it moves the right’s vision of manhood or the world further than it would have possibly gone if the left knew how to have an actual conversation with people they disagree with.
But to stay on topic let’s circle back to the vision of manhood these men offer. The way I want to do this is by highlighting a key factor that stands out with each of these men and connect that to our problem with manhood.
The three traits that have shown themselves to be true of these men is unrepentance(the unwillingness to confess sin and turn from it), victimization(the posturing of oneself as the victim at all times, turning everyone into an enemy), and domineering(the forceful approach to be in charge and take the role as ruler).
The reason these three traits sit so nicely within the manhood conversation I believe is because men are right now looking for two things:
- Men are looking for a reason for their troubles. Something or someone to place the blame on for their troubles or shortcomings.
- Men are looking for answers of a new path forward. Men want to overcome the weaknesses they feel they are plagued by and so they gravitate towards leaders who give them a possible way forward.
Our three traits that define the problem of manhood today are three traits we see continually popping up in conversation around these three men today.
- The first problem with men today is this issue of unrepentance. Repenting requires two things. An admittance or confession of what you have done wrong and the action of turning away from your path of destruction towards a path of reconstruction. Trump highlights this problem men are struggling with very well as he has verbally said what many men have felt. In an interview where Trump was asked about whether he asks for forgiveness. Trump says: “I’m not sure I have, I just try to do a better job from there.”2 At first glance this is not problematic. That ending line is where many people would go to and say “see, the goal is for us to do better in life not dwell on the past.” And though I have no problem with that mindset on the surface, where it becomes a problem is with how as men we struggle to admit our weaknesses. If you listen to Trump long enough you quickly notice everyone else is the problem in his administration, not him. He has a long history of failing to admit where he failed. And this is not unique to Trump. Trump rather exposes the problem all of us honest men have. No man likes to admit where they failed as a husband, or a father, or a church leader, or as a businessman because that makes us feel weak. We’d much rather push forward and act like the past never happened but in that lies a problem. Confession is the beginning of a Christian’s journey. It’s when we can admit that we fall short, that we can then accept what Christ has actually done for us on the cross. Admitting our weakness does not make us weak. It does make us vulnerable and that is exactly where we need to be.
- The second problem men are wrestling through today is this idea of victimization. When we fail to admit our weaknesses and shortcomings, we will quickly find someone to blame. Adam in the Genesis story points his finger at Eve. Cain after killing his brother Able cries victim to God for asking where his brother is. Victimization likewise is not unique to men. But it’s an underlying current gaining steam. For Fuentes, white straight Christian men are victims in our society. They have been overlooked, oppressed, not treated with the respect they deserve. When you see yourself as the ultimate victim in society, what you are then forced to do is to look at everyone else around you as the oppressor. In Fuentes’ case immigrants, Muslims, the black community, women, the list could go on for who all Nick feels like has it out for him. Heck, even his own camp is his enemy at times. But many men feel this weight they are under. Many men feel like there is a world set out against them. This is problematic because again when we cannot acknowledge our own shortcomings, how we then respond is by playing the victim. We become the ultimate gaslighters, dodging responsibility for what is in our control.
- The last problem I want to indentify with men today is this desire to domineer. If our three traits so far are like a process men go through, moving from one problem to the next then domineering is the end result. Douglas Wilson paints a vision of history where white Christian men were lied about and mischaracterized. In his book Black and Tan, he repaints history in a way that dodges responsibility for the sin of slavery in the U.S. When things are not going your way and you have become a victim, you do the only thing you have left to do. Which is to take control. You push your authority around placing yourself in the highest seat in the land because everyone else in the world is the problem and you fail to recognize your own faults, you have to then become the savior. And savior for Douglas Wilson looks way more like a ruler than a servant. Men want to be part of the solution, they do not want to be part of the problem. And the quickest way to dodge responsibility for your own faults is to neglect admitting where you’re wrong, and instead to take the role of the one who can fix everything by ruling over it.
Where the left has fallen to the vision of manhood that is literally neutered, passive, and overly feminine to the point of sacrificing the masculine traits inbedded in males. The right has swung to another ditch which is a vision of manhood that in an effort to not come off as “weak”, walks into the room pushing others around. Each of these three men can be described as bullies of some sort, whether it’s the language they use towards others, or the way they lead by literally making others bend to their wills. Bullies are not a great depiction of what real manhood is.
And that’s precisely what we need. We need a new vision of manhood. A vision of manhood that is comfortable being uncomfortable. We need a vision of manhood that is willing to do that deep intrusive work on oneself in order to be a better partner in society at large.
A New Vision for Manhood
Jefferson Bethke in his talk at the THINQ conference identified that masculinity has been tossed out and lost in more recent decades. He even cites the APA for communicating the message that “traditional masculinity is a problem to be healed”.3
What I appreciate about Bethke’s guidance in this conversation is that he pushes us to define masculinity through “virtues that align with scripture first and anthropology second.”
Some of the virtues Bethke highlights are: strength, courage, honor, protectiveness and loyalty. The reason he cites these virtues as specifically masculine is because they are inherent traits geared specifically at men that the tribe will judge men based on. Yes, men and women can both be courageous, but Bethke emphasizes that for men they will be judged based on their courage in a way that women will not. Likewise for women, they will be judged based on their ability to nurture, where men will not.
And what’s interesting is that these virtues show up across time and places specifically in regards to men. This is where Bethke acknowledges the anthropological side of this conversation. Yes, Scripture is our immediate go to for painting a vision for manhood that we can take with us. But how wonderful is it when across time and space, we see this vision by nature that is rooted in civilizations where the Bible was no where to be found. This means that yes there is a biological difference between men and women. We are indeed wired differently. And different does not have to mean less or incapable of. Instead it can be complimentary rather than opposed too.
Now I want to highlight some specific traits of men that will overlap with some of what Bethke has highlighted for us; but these traits are ones that simply put have resonated with me.
I am a man who has been attracted to the likes of Mark Driscoll, Jordan Peterson, and Jocko Willick and I believe there is an underlying reason why. These men get hard things done. So my first trait I want to highlight about men is their action.
Men of Action(Change of hearts and change of minds)
In their book ‘Fighting Shadows’; Jon Tyson and Jefferson Bethke have a line that I believe will resonate with you. They say: “We love sharing our opinions, critiquing, and judging, but the men the world needs are men who act.”4
It is no shock to any of us that the world has plenty of commentators and reactors. Maybe that’s been the more shocking piece of the innovation post the invention of the internet. We have more people react to content than creating.
What this means for our society is that we have a lot of men specifically who can walk into any given room and tell you exactly what they do not like about it. You know there is this misconception that women are always the ones complaining and gossiping but the reality is that men do the same thing just as much if not more, it just may look or sound a bit different.
The reason men in particular can walk into any given room and point out the issues is because men are designed to have an eye to see what needs to be fixed. This is a gift from God but when used wrongly can be very damaging to the broader community the man lives within.
The way it can be a gift is that once a man identifies the problem in the room, they can move from that problem towards a solution; the sad reality though is many men get caught in just noticing the problem. We see this phenomenon in some of the male influencers out right now who can point out every problem they have with women, or with the government, or with culture; yet many of these same men fail to come up with creative solutions on how to to fix these problems. And for many the solutions that they do come up with are just copy cats of whatever the culture has to offer to begin with. Our case example for this is Nick Fuentes. Nick in his more recent episode of his ‘America First’ show 5identifies that people of other races or ethnicities look out for their own. He identifies that blacks make sure blacks are taken care of, hispanics make sure hispanics are taken care of. With noticing this, Fuentes diagnoses the problem as these other groups being selfish to some degree for only looking out for themselves. Which for Fuentes means that whites are left behind. (Can you see the victimization taking root?)
Fuentes believes the way to fix this is to do what black people for instance have done. Where the black community had the Panthers to take care of their community, Fuentes wants a militia group to take care of the whites. Fuentes sees a problem and fails to come up with a creative solution and so instead devolves into adding to the problem that he himself has diagnosed: that of people only looking out for their own.
What Fuentes and every man needs is a fire to be lit in us that is different than what the culture has to offer. We could all come up with some solutions but they will always be mere copies of what already exists. What we really need is a true, living and active hope that because it is fueled by something different leads to real action, to real change.
Men need a change of heart and mind.
A change of heart and mind will steer us away from wallowing and self pity. It will pull us away from repeating the same problems we see with the world.
Paul the Apostle says in his letters to the church in Rome:
Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship. Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.6
Paul urges his brothers and sisters in the faith to present their bodies as a living sacrifice to God. This means Paul is calling these people to give their lives up in a way that presents their entire beings to the world as a home for God in the midst of the world. It gives this imagery of our bodies as little temples or churches walking around in the midst of a very dark world.
The world according to Paul has shaped and formed you already. Likely more than you even realize. Culture is often like a current that traps you and pulls you away from your starting place. And before you know it, your further down stream than you ever intended to be. This is how the world works and Paul is urging these early Christians to reject this current, to fight against it and instead live in a way that is holy and pleasing to God.
As men, we are first called to this type of action. We are called to an action that is dependent on the Spirit’s work in our lives. Renewing your mind takes more than repeating affirmations to yourself in front of the mirror every morning. Renewing your mind requires you to daily lay down your life for the purpose of Christ’ work in building his Kingdom. And if you are not about that mission, then you are off mission. The gospel, the good news is all consuming.
Which means when it comes to the actions of your daily lives, as men it should first start with you laying your life down as you follow Christ. That’s the first step in becoming a real man. It is in following the man.
This now leads us to a second area of manhood that needs to be addressed as we move from laying our lives down for Christ.
Men of Vision(Leadership)
Christ calls us to lay our lives down in humble submission to his will and purpose for the world. And men, have a unique role in society when it comes to furthering Christ’ purpose in this world.
But first we need to acknowledge what Christ’ purpose is because right now in our culture, the man-o-sphere is communicating lots of messages about what is important in this world.
Some of those messages include getting rich, building empires, getting girls(not keeping them), and chasing after materialism. It’s hard to not watch the NELK boys, or your Sneako’s, or your Andrew Tate’s and not see these messages constantly show up. And seeing men with beautiful women and lots of money, and the nicest cars can all look inspiring. And these men will tell you surface level hard things like that you need to work constantly and harder than anyone else in the room to get these material things but the reality is their lives are devoid and meaningless. Hard work is great but their why for the hard work needs some more work. One day, these men will retire, and the words on their lips will sound more like the book of Ecclesiastes than a Disney storybook. There will be way more ““Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless”7 than “they lived happily ever after.”
The one thing I did appreciate and take away from my time consuming Douglas Wilson content over the years was that he at least was trying to paint a vision for building a Christian community. So his work was not meaningless in that it was dependent on materialism. But where I believe he gets off key is when he trades in women and nice cars for some type of Christian empire where him and his crew are conveniently at the top.
Christ has a vision for this world and we do not need to lower ourselves to taking a version of the empires of this world and slapping Jesus name across it. Instead we can operate in an entirely different way that is more meaningful than being some mere government leaders that call the shots but are shots none the less. They do not inspire true transformation.
Christ’ vision for the Kingdom he is ushering in is all about renewal and restoration. Christ is in the business of making things new and that’s the vision as men leading our families and our communities we should get on board with.
As men we love to talk about doing “hard things”. You know what’s hard? Restoring a house. Floors are out, walls are not plumb, pipes are busted, ceiling is moldy and the roof is caving in. Restoring what was broken to be made right requires patience. It requires you not usurping your influence. It requires you to sort through the mess in order to make things right.
A lot of our content towards men today has the allusion of doing hard things, but is shallow none the less. A couple of examples of this are that it looks bold to stand on a street corner with signs protesting abortion. It’s actually bold to have to walk a struggling mom through that season of her life whether she follows your advice or not. It looks bold to call trans people by their actual pronouns, it’s actually bold to have them sit at the dinner table with your family and have to explain to your wife and kids beforehand that there’s a bigger mission at stake than just semantics so don’t get held up on one word.
As men we are called to action, absolutely. But the right action requires right vision. And as men of God we need to know what Christ’ vision of the world is.
It’s true transformation. It’s that renewing of the mind Paul talked about earlier. It’s seeing that heavenly multitude in the Kingdom of God oneday.
After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes8
But this now leads us to how as men do we get to work on this right vision Christ calls us to?
Men of Community (Accountability and Growth)
You know what’s tough about that vision of the multitude of people we see in Revelation? Those people likely do not all agree with each other. They likely come from different backgrounds and communities. They voted differently, supported different things. The uniter for them all was Christ’ work in their life. They’re all transformed people, brought from death to life by the work of Christ and the Spirit in their lives.
The good news is that that vision, can be experienced to a degree here right now. The sad reality is that many men refuse to partake in this type of community.
As boys we hate the idea of having no friends. On the playground we did not want to be the odd man out playing by himself because he was a little weirdo. Yet, as we get older, many men find it a badge of honor to say “I don’t need anybody, I don’t need any friends.”
Let’s just start with the obvious: that’s sad.
That is a sad way to live. Literally, you need other humans in your life to help spark joy. Isolated people are not happy people. You may have moments of isolation that bring you joy, but living in isolation is a recipe for destruction.
Not only that, but it is full of arrogance. When we isolate as men we display a dependence on ourselves that is not what God has called us to. Must we remember that Jesus himself in one of the darkest moments of his life before the cross leaned on his brothers around him.9
As men, we need to embody that life of Christ that surrounds himself with brothers who can be next to him when he is feeling distressed. That is not a sign of weakness and even if it is, that is okay. It is okay to admit as a man that you do not have it all together. You are not God, and when as men we isolate and depend only on ourselves what we are communicating not just to the people in our lives but also to God is that we are our god. We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. So the solution is that we need community. Community that challenges us. Community that holds us accountable. Community that tells us when we are wrong. We need places in our lives where we can be vulnerable. In that vulnerability we will be able to admit our weaknesses, confess our sins, and then move forward.
Wrap It Up
There is so much more that could be said about manhood. And I am currently wrestling through how to paint a vision for manhood that is inspiring and rallies men together to be the men they are called to be.
Because I want to be of service to the church. And vision casting for men is one area where the church continually seems to fall short.
So there is more to be said, and maybe I’ll write more about manhood and focus on some of those virtues. But for now, let’s just start with that foundation.
The left fails to offer a solid vision for manhood because they fail to define what a man is biologically. But the right fails to offer a fulfilling vision for manhood because they build their foundation on the things of this world. Jesus offers us a better vision that has its foundation rooted in an admittance that we are broken and need a savior, that God does want to do something profoundly different and impactful with our lives and he wants to do that while we link arms with other brothers and sisters.
- Ezra Klein’s interview with Helen Lewis https://youtu.be/YK1aj39y55k?si=oxmhVV6quVO5TWwQ ↩︎
- Trump is actually pretty likable in this clip as he tries. to relate. to the audience but how he responds to the question about asking for forgiveness is very telling about where we are at theologically as a society https://www.c-span.org/clip/campaign-2016/user-clip-trump-doesnt-ask-god-for-forgiveness/4585899 ↩︎
- Jefferson’s Bethke’s Thinq Conference Clip https://youtu.be/IYrm_R7CJBw?si=8qvzwLGs9pl6-KxI ↩︎
- Fighting Shadows by Jon Tyson and Jefferson Bethke(pg.126-127) ↩︎
- Nick Fuentes ‘America First’ show https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/america-first-with-nicholas-j-fuentes-repost/id1854256395?i=1000771144203 ↩︎
- Romans 6:1-2 CSB ↩︎
- Ecclesiasties 1:2 NIV ↩︎
- Revelation 7:9 ESV ↩︎
- Matthew 26:36-46 & Mark 14:32-42 ESV ↩︎
Leave a comment